Conversation gone wrong

Two old friends - a Chinaman and a Malay were having a conversation recently ...

Apek: Lu potong zaka ada bagut ka?
Ali: Manyak bagut. Bila lu potong haa lu punya barang manyak bersih loo...

Apek: ?!! err ... saya kawan ada cakap, potong zaka aaahh.... manyak ploblem..
Ali: Apa probrem ?

Apek: Manyak buang lui, lagi aahh ... dia punya performance tatak bagut...
manyak cinang semputloh ..
Ali: Cehh... apek, lu apa celita... saya suda lama potong.
tada apa problem... bini saya manyak puas woo...

Apek: Lu mini puas sama itu potong zaka ka?
Ali: Ya laa. Bila lu potong aahh... lagi sedap maen woo..
lu lagi lambat pancut..

Apek: ???!!! err... lu punya 1.3 atau 1.5??
Ali: ??!! woi apek cakap baik2 sikit ha .. saya punya 6 inci laa..

Apek: ??! Tiu nia ma... lu jgn maen2 haa... mana ada potong zaka 6 inci..
Ali: Cilaka apek ni...nah tengok (opens his trousers)

Apek: Chee sin punya olang.....gua tanya baik2 ... lu tunjuk lu punya lanchiau..
Ali: Abis... lu tarak percaya..saya tunjuk la..

Apek: Saya tatak tanya sama lu punya lanchiau...
Saya tanya lu pasal itu nasional car... potong zaka..
molo punya olang..
Ali: Aiya... apek... lain kali lu sebut betul2 la....kasi susa saja..
Bukan potong zaka la..... Proton Saga........

Memo Cuti Sakit

Perkara : CUTI SAKIT

Kepada : Semua Pekerja

Daripada : Pihak Pengurusan

Salinan : Semua Pembaca Memo Ini

Merujuk kepada perkara diatas, berikut adalah garis panduan terbaru berkenaan pengambilan cuti sakit.

Setiap pekerja diperuntukkan 10 hari cuti sakit untuk setahun. Namun begitu anda tidak boleh sewenang-wenangnya mengambil cuti sakit jika tak sakit.Itu cari penyakit namanya. Sakit melebihi had akan ditolak dari cuti tahunan walaupun anda betul-betul sakit. Cuti sakit tidak boleh dipindah milik atau dibawa ke tahun seterusnya.

MC (Medical Certificate) atau Sijil Sakit perlu dilampirkan dengan borang cuti. MC tulisan tangan tidak diterima. Jika berubat kampung, sila minta tok bomoh atau pawang berkenaan mengeluarkan sijil sakit yang ditaip atau dapatkan rawatan dari bomoh panel yang dilantik oleh kompeni.

Sakit hati, sakit jiwa serta jiwang, sakit kepala berdenyut-denyut dan sakit sengal-sengal otot tidak dibenarkan cuti sakit. Borang cuti yang dikepilkan pembalut panadol atau kotak ubat cap kaki tiga tidak akan dilayan.

Anda dikehendaki telefon ke pejabat memaklumkan cuti sakit anda dan anda tidak perlu bercakap dengan nada kasihan diikuti kesan khas suara serak-serak kering bersulam dengan batuk berkokol-kokol untuk membuktikan yang anda sakit. SMS juga dibolehkan jika anda tak mampu bersuara tetapi tidak digalakkan.

Sekian, harap maklum.

"BERAKIT-RAKIT KE HULU, BERENANG-RENANG KE TEPIAN,

BERCUTI SAKIT DAHULU,

HANTAR BORANG CUTI BERSAMA MC KEMUDIAN"

Yang Benar

Pihak Pengurusan

The sky before Katrina struck

I got this pictures from my colleague thru email...scary but beautiful at the same time...

"The following picture was taken from the third story balcony of Saint Stanislaus College located next door to Our Lady of the Gulf church in Bay Saint Louis, Mississippi on the morning of August 29th, 2005. This is believed to be the initial tidal wave from Hurricane Katrina.

The tidal wave was approximately 35 to 40 feet high. When it slammed into the beach front communities of Bay Saint Louis and Waveland , Mississippi to completely destroy 99% of every structure along the beach for 9 miles and over a mile inland. The destruction only started there. The flooding that continued inland destroyed the contents of all but 35 homes in these two communities of approximately 14,000 people."

Beautiful Quotes

I got this forwarded email from my friend which is quite funny and thus make my day today!!!

:D

Keep on reading...this is good for breakfast...teee heeee~~~

My tire was thumping

I thought it was flat

When I looked at the tire...

I noticed your cat.

Sorry!

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Heard your wife left you,

How upset you must be.

But don't fret about it...

She has moved in with me.

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Looking back over the years

that we've been together,

I can't help but wonder...

'What the hell was I thinking?'

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Congratulations on your wedding day!

Too bad no one likes your husband.

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How could two people as beautiful as you

Have such an ugly baby?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I've always wanted to have

someone to hold,

someone to love.

After having met you .

I've changed my mind.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I must admit, you brought Religion into my life.

I never believed in Hell until I met you.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

As the days go by, I think of how lucky I am...

That you're not here to ruin it for me.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Congratulations on your promotion.

Before you go..

Would you like to take this knife out of my back?

You'll probably need it again.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Happy Birthday, Uncle Dad!

(Available only in

Tennessee, Kentucky , West Virginia & South Dakota )

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Happy birthday! You look great for your age.

Almost Lifelike!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

When we were together,

you always said you'd die for me.

Now that we've broken up,

I think it's time you kept your promise.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

We have been friends for a very long time ..

let's say we stop?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I'm so miserable without you
It's almost like you're here.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Congratulations on your new bundle of joy.

Did you ever find out who the father was?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Your friends and I wanted to do

something special for your birthday.

So we're having you put to sleep.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

So your daughter's a hooker,

and it spoiled your day.

Look at the bright side,

it's really good pay.

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

So, how's your morning for today??? Fresh???...Crinkled???...Blur???

HAVE A GOOD MORNING AND A GREAT DAY AHEAD YAH!!!

E-Mail

I got this from my colleague thru e-mail....Happy Reading!!!

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Operator: Hello.

Caller: Hello, can I speak to Annie Wan (anyone)?

Operator : Yes, you can speak to me.

Caller: No, I want to speak to Annie Wan (anyone)!

Operator: You are talking to someone! Who is this?

Caller: I'm Sam Wan (Someone). And I need to talk to Annie Wan (anyone)! It's urgent.

Operator: I know you are someone and you want to talk to anyone! But what's this urgent matter about?

Caller: Well... just tell my sister Annie Wan(anyone) that our brother Noel Wan (no one)?as involved in an accident. Noel Wan (no one) got injured and now Noel Wan (no one) is being sent to the hospital. Right now, Avery Wan (everyone) is on his way to the hospital.

Operator: Look if no one was injured and no one was sent to the hospital, then the accident isn't an urgent matter! You may find this hilarious but I don't have time for this!

Caller: You are so rude! Who are you?

Operator: I'm Saw Lee (Sorry).

Caller: Yes! You should be sorry. Now give me your name!!

Kahkahkahkah...wat lar chinese name...

Is this IQ or stupid director?

Old movie. New watch? Watch it out!

You need to hold the trigger to shoot someone or...?


Bows, arrows, ... and cellphones in the olden days?


Hmmm.... aero planes in the Trojan War?

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And here comes I hope everyone's fave.........

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Wow! In those days,... Adidas? Hmmm... branded Pirate!

but not as stupid as this one......

OR THIS ????????

No comment lah...........

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Wahahahahaaaa, i laugh so hard for the last 2 pics...LMAO!!!!!